Nitin Sodha

There has so much been said about San Fran…that anymore would surely be a challenge but for it’s myriad characteristics. This is a microcosm of all that is great about the USA.

So Meena and myself went to visit this great city after the AA  family wedding in Los Angeles. Immediately on arrival, one notices a much greener city, with Victorian Buildings and streets that a giant would think are carved as steps on hills. My history says that Captain Cook ‘discovered’ America. So the first place for homage would be Coit Tower to get a panoramic view of the City, from which you can see Golden Gate Bridge, Bay Area, Docks, Bay Bridge, bits of China Town, and even the Golden Gate Park.

My last visit was in 1980 as students who had barely made it to this place from Reno delivering a car from the east coast. We were broke and had a foray acting as guides, to survive almost hand to mouth. But we were not scared or frightened, particularly as this was probably the best place to land in….the place with so much diversity and tolerance.

We stayed in the Fishermans Wharf area in a boutique hotel overlooking the lots of bars, etc but it was mainly with tourist shops selling many versions of the SF dream. The best part for me was an early morning run from there towards the Golden Gate. And of course a favourite hobby …..food.

First meal , Thai, massive, with huge soup, green curry, papaya salads., and good value. Always under order! Then Boudins ….famous for its sour bread…..amazing. Onto a Vietnamese (hot), of course morning Bagels, so much choice, with regular coffees. Americans probably are the best at coffee. Most of all the service in each of these places was exceptional. For once, I felt that the vendors genuinely cared. Almost everybody is or was an immigrant, and a proud American!. And so civil.

We also took time to go to Yosemite National Park, about a five hour journey from SF, by bus,  and train (Amtrak). Must go to this place at least once, we stayed over a day, and spent most of the time outdoors walking and hiking. A most memorable walk up misty trail… The rocks are some go the biggest in the world. Here I learn that this great state boasts the tallest waterfall, trees, mountain (?), and lowest point below sea level in Death Valley. We stayed at the Ahwamee, which has a historical significance, and overrated. It was also where the film Shining was shot…remember Redrum, REDrum, !REDRUM ……..write this backwards in red!

Back in SF, we enjoyed travelling on the tram ( a train on the step streets), street car ( an electric bus on the normal streets), and a normal bus on normal streets. Walked into Chinatown, and toward the commercial district. Clean beautiful city, with cafés of every type from Italian to Mexican. There was an interesting street dancer doing a step dance (feel guilty…did not drop a dollar for him), an African American on the street hiding behind some cut branches and scaring everybody, and on Union Square young student dancers. Overall we barely scared the surface.

No wonder Google, Facebook, Amazon, Silicon Valley are all in the vicinity…inspiration in a quality, temperate coast line.

On the last day we succumbed to some shopping in Union Square, and of course Anand’s special shaving liquid for the best shave in the world.

The best part on our way back home was when we went to see our Trina, and children. Also met her wonderful in-laws. Trina lives in an absolutely idyllic neighbourhood, and she is a busy busy mum, and Sanjiv is working and studying very hard.

Thank you America, California and SF….enjoyed staying ….and will come back, and leave you with what Herb Caen said

One day if I go to heaven…I’ll look around and say, ‘ It ain’t bad, but it ain’t San Francisco’.

No superlatives can easily describe such a glorious day for the beautiful couple about to get married. On this sunny Saturday morning the friends and families were all getting ready in their best outfits . As is tradition, the extended families ,friends and guests of the bride were all out to receive the bridegroom.

There was so much colour, excitement, traditional Gujrati songs, children and adults all close together waiting for the bridegroom to arrive. We were all taken aback that Ashish was arriving in an elephant. Hey, n this is The US of A, and surely this was unreal. But lo and behold there he was, with a turban, veil, a decorated elephant, coming across as a prince to get married, fronted by his dancing retinue,singing traditional punjabi songs amongst loud dholki!

This is not easy for photographers ( so many flashing) as everybody is so excited, trying to get closer to the action. As the groom dismounts, and the elephant gracefully retreats, the formal welcoming starts with the respective elders from each side. There is plenty of singing, and Vinu welcomes Ashish’s father, and they have the traditional cuddling competition with with by an elder couple from each side. So much fun. I was to mind  Saya, and she was so focused on the event, she forgot who was carrying her….that was a special!

So all onto the ceremony at the top of the Marriot, wedding in open air, in a spectacular setting, with the mandvo in the far end, a setting to capture  the feel of a perfect day, and so it was. Plenty of flowers, garlands, colour, amidst a blue, fresh, cool, Californian morning.

After the usual Nasta, and masala tea, the witnesses to this ceremony were called to settle down, and the Sodha brothers, walk onto the ‘Mehdan’ in twos and unison, and stand aside for our beautiful princess Amee being surrounded by her bridesmaids and escorted and given away by her maternal uncle, Vinubhai.

There was plenty of cheering, and the grand finale started in earnest with the hindu priest getting everybody to settle down. The bride and the bridegroom are of course the focus, with the priest working them though the relevant feras, and symbolism.
My sister, Niru sang  though each of the feras in Gujarati, and the song probably is still ringing in most ears. The meaning of each of the feras were explained, and this is an incredibly personal, and wise meaning that has stood the test of time for thousands of years. For all that are married, they probably reflect on the same when they did.

There are of course the fun events such as the stealing of the bridegrooms shoe, and three or four galant youngsters, including Nimesh, Maya and our Driren mastermind the ‘theft’. There is a handsome reward and the opposite ‘army of defeated youngsters’ are planning a recovery by to no avial. Then there  is the ‘dominant partner test’ …who sits down first and whilst I missed it, the answer is obvious, Amee. Many a women have occupied this seat, whatever her husband thinks!

Now for the congratulations, photos, photos, and photos of all the families with Dr Ashish Kapoor and his bride, Dr Amee Kapoor. Then we all get downstairs for the farewell, Vidai. Kleenex is a must on these occasions, and after the traditional ‘goodbyes’, the bride is carried away on a carriage by her cousins to the awaiting transportation befitting the occasion…..a Roller. There is the coconut breaking ceremony on the wheel of the car, and the holding it back tradition for a kings ransom which was making the cousins excitable and depleting the groom of his last reserves. Off they go…….and we all relax and retire for the reception!

The evening event was in the grand hotel ball room, with Ashishs family making a singing and dancing entrance followed a Rikshawala, with a bride. That was classic. Then the speeches, all thanking everybody, and without much ado, after Vinus speech, Amee’s. She captured all her thoughts and feelings in a deeply emotional way for her wonderful sister, friend, and confidante.

Finally it was a party….fortunately stayed sober….and remember all the dances, the dancing, the dancing competition, the food, and drink.  Man….the Bhangra styles and variations were in full swing after the beautiful dances by the bridesmaids, and friends, and of course the newly weds.

This great state, California, has witnessed the marriage of our beautiful daughter to her handsome husband, and the Sodha parivar wish them the very best always.
I want to personally thank Vinu, Ushabhabi, Sanjeev, Trina, and of course Amee for this fantastic family occasion that brought us all together in harmony.

Amee  and Ashish ,well done, and our blessings to a long and happy marriage.

Me Kai Khoto Kithu Hoi, ka Kairu Hoi to maf Karjo!

Jay Shree Krishna

On Thursday morning, the Mehndi night was still ringing in my ears, with all the memories of the great performances. Ashish’s dance was just amazing, he can even cartwheel! And Amee was just graceful and divine. Ashish’s sister performed her dances with gusto in no small measure, as did the bridesmaids…thank you all for such a great evening.

The theme for the men was yellow and Pankaj saved my bacon by having purchased just the shirt I needed.

On the  coach to Beverley Hills with the brides team side, I reflected on the Easter Sunday gone when we had Vishal from Mumbai visiting us. I took him to Stratford-Upon-Avon, to see Shakespeare’s birthplace and his associated houses etc. Did you know that the bard had introduced at least three thousand words in the English language? However, even he would be shaking in his pants at the number that Americans have introduced.

For example, on boarding the bus Americans say line, we say queue,  the route  is pronounced ‘root’ not ‘rout’, sidewalk, crosswalk, broad walk etc. Trying to be smart, I knew that Main Street was in most cities, and that certain street names are commonly used almost in all US cities, as I assume that perhaps they eventually interconnect. So for a while I thought that there is a  street called Ped Xing, named after an Imperial Chinaman.  There is always a zebra crossing near the road sign.

My renal function is relatively high, so I had quickly mastered the words washroom and bathroom, both of which would be be inappropriate in English, English, and be deemed as idioms in American English. Then there is trash, for bin. Diversity is fun, and if one is so concerned about the variances to the lingo, go to India. It’s rapidly turning into Hinglish. For example, there they don’t eat food, they take it, and coming from the rear of a building is described as coming from the backside!

The Coach journey was a party and a half. Antakshari, was initiated by Samir and a British team vs a US team were formed. The songs were flowing from Mukesh, Asha, Lata, Kavita Krisnamurthy, and even Sonu Nigam. Best coach trip I have had in years, with so much laughter, and banter. One of the bridesmaids is a brilliant singer, and I believe that she should give up this medical lark, and devote herself to this talent. Most of us tried to ‘sing’, but must admit some of them started with the chorus, and turned to solos by line two, and humming by three. Three cheers to all.

Informed sources tell me that the Pithi Ceremony is about beautifying the bride, and preparing her for marriage. The earlier part was a religious ceremony, with Vinu, Ushabhabi, and family and friends sitting with the priest on the floor in the lounge, surrounded by all the women.

The  Hindu priest was  a white American from the Hare Krishna Sampradaya who conducted it in Sanskrit and English. He also made it into fun, starting with the usual Ganesh Puja to protect the bride, groom and families.The extent of my mastery of Sanskrit in this ceremony starts at OM and ends with Swaha….intermingled with the Gayatri Mantra. The youngsters were watching with avid interest, and the sense that our Amee was getting married becoming all too real. Toward the end, there were tears in many an eye, and Amee’s were delicately wiped by both Ushabhabhi, Trina and Sushma.  There was a lot of mixed emotions, and the sense of It all was palpable around the room.

Witnessing all this were the elders, of course, including a lovely elderly couple, and including Sanjeev’s father provided a sense of comfort, particularly for Vinu. Niru and Sanjeev’s mum got busy in the kitchen, the priest went across to the next ceremony, and we all sat in the Courtyard and had a hearty Gujrati meal. Undhiu was a favourite, and combined with some cuchories, and Coca Cola.

Amee was surrounded by folk putting the Pithi on her face, and an occasional gal or nose pinch, and she would respond by putting some Pithi on her beautiful friends. We wrote a message on a piece of cloth, and I managed some Gujrati wishes from Anand who had sadly missed this wedding due to exams.

In the afternoon, we driven on the coach from Beverley Hills, through Rodeo Drive, onto Hollywood , and walked all over the famous stars. Neel is a great guide, and gave us a lot of obscure miscellany, and his pride for LA and California is obvious. We then went across to the oldest farmers market in the area and whilst Meena was not looking I felt prey to my fetish, another hat! Nick bought a great sign which said something to effect ‘ Elderly Persons Parking’.

Neel then took us to the Hare Krishna temple where Niruben, Yogini and Druv were perfect hosts. We went into the temple paid our respects, and had a short session on the floor doing the Maha Mantra, ‘Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna Hare, Hare, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare’. The prayers were for Amee and Ashish to have a very happy long marriage….I added In a few nippers!

The symbolism and meaning of this part cannot be underestimated, and I challenge anybody who cannot find inner peace and harmony doing this or any Maha Mantra.
Niruben, and Druv distributed the Bhagavad Gita to all, and I had occasion to sit next to Harriet, and explained to her a very brief essence of this chapter of the Mahabharata and gave my BG to her.

In the evening, back at the hotul (spelt as pronounced) a one to one with some of the guests! including Sanjeev’s dad, Sudhirbhai. He was siting cross legged in the hotel lounge and answering e-mails. He is so involved in charitable works, including in Varodara, and at home on the East Coast. His two and a half hour daily yoga and meditation sessions are remarkable, and no wonder at 70 he is so full of life. We had some friendly chats with some of Ashish’s friends who had just arrived for the wedding, and Sudhir Bhai made the banter fun.

The evening ended with an arm wrestle with a youngster half my age, and I like the expression win by hook or crook.

Jet lag has a yo-yo effect, in that you start going the other way sooner than you think. So the international travellers either looked spritely, or worse for wear. I met up with Pankaj outside the lobby, and onto Sams Beagles. The Sodhas started rolling in, and my view is that beagles are the best thing since sliced bread. There was even approval from Nainabhabhi, and enough said.

Thursday was the day without travel, as the Sangeet evening was in the same hotel. So, Umesh on Mukesh’s recommendation decided to go to a good value area, and Meena and Kavita went to a Freida Karlo exhibition at Museum of Latin American Artists, in Long Beach.

My mind was on the Beach Volleyball, so I walked along with Nikhil, to look for a hat. Bald people dream about these things…I even sleep with one of them! Onto Farmers market, banter with an OM stall, for items befitting Venice Beach. Meet the key man for the Volleyball competition, who Anil did a great job, bringing the kit, and organising us into three teams. I was the only Uncle (Nick was there too, but  I don’t know where he was called that) there so I maximised on taking advantage.

Rugby is often used as a metaphor for teamwork, and business. I would rather use beach volley ball. It’s about focus, speed, flexibility (changing sides), helping team members, encouragement, grounded, rule-bound, can be mixed sex, and above all fun! Rugby is male dominated, and and comes across as aggressive.

The Americanos were great fun, with lots of adjustable rules, politeness, and scores that allowed the team I was in to win. It was great to see Maya, Olivia, Isha (who got an amazing back-flip), Nikhil, Nimesh, and Druv all having a go. One P take ( taking a Mickey, for those who are not entitled to understand this) was when Druv tried to serve, we would say wait wait wait….. My American team actions and words got enhanced with ‘let’s go’, don’t clap but slap you palms with your partners frequently, and what you doing man! There was even pizza, and it all finished at 5 pm, a civil time to prepare for the highlight The Mehndi.

The extent of planning and hard work by Amee and family in this event was all to apparent. Lots of beautiful friends, families of both sides starting arriving at the function room at the top. The women were beautifully dressed with vibrant colours, and Amee just looked special. The men were mostly in traditional dress, and with the evening sun setting over the spectacular city, the place was picture perfect. So lots of pictures, and and as it unfolded,the couple arrive with their entourage of the six bridesmaids, and the lad, Samir. What a spectacle, amazing, and special for Amee.

The entrances do the grooms family were just fun to watch, with dances to match even by Anishs grandfathers from both sides. Their dancing, particularly to the Bangra music, was so full of action, effort and variety, that well almost anything goes. Children in this occasion made it so personal, and Saya and Neya were in their element. There was a youngster on the dance floor, about six or seven, who would have left John Travolta standing.

Vinu and Ushabhabi, Trina and Sanjeev and children looked so colourfully dressed, but the winner was the bride. I am no good at women’s attire, but the dress Amee’s has worn just stood out. With shades of cream, silver, gold, soft flowing dress, with matching jewellery and stunning hair-do, Amee looked even more special. Vinukaka’s phagadi and dress, and height made him look like a king. I know of old that he lacks a penchant for dance, but his slow rhythmic head movements with raised arms, caught many any eye. The punjabi men of import of course was Anish, and he was ever so circled, that it was hard to get near.

As the rituals of giving saris etc went along, all the Sodha uncles had to do a little something to the groom, and give him a Malteser, and say a prayer. I think Pankaj said something about some perfumes, and mine was a quick mixture of the Gayatri Mantra and Armani.

There was fun all over, in the balconies, in the bar, and the food….we tend to over do in food and drink and this was no exception. Saw a a lovely African American family from Washington, with their proud little boy, who was variously dressed as a cool-suited dood doing Bangra movements, shirt out, having his milk bottle and in slumber in his parents arms, amongst a thunder of Bangra music.

Meena and myself sat with a couple, a doctor who had qualified in Pune, and had discussions about our recent tour around the area. Great place, buzzing with IT, food, weather, intellectuals, and rapid development. Amee’s Iranian school friend and neighbours were sitting near us, and the banter from the previous night extended.

My Nehru hat was a topic of conversation, as was how alike the brothers look, to which I take great exception! However, I discreetly asked Pankaj to wear my  hat, told him the gist of my conversation, and asked him to carry on chatting with the parents of the school friend. I would highly recommend this test to all my brothers or all those who look alike, to prove the validity of similarity. Please refrain from telling any would be migrants.

There must be several ways of going back in time, but at the moment (!) I can only think of a couple, going westwards and looking up in the stars. The latter is less obvious, but we are part of a huge Milky Way, and Universe with many Suns and no doubt has planets with life. And the light from the Sun takes approximately 8 minutes to reach us, and much longer from the stars. So that which has hit you now came back from time.

Going westward today is also of huge significance, it is Amee’s wedding the younger daughter of my eldest brother Vinod and Ushabhabhi. In 2010  we had the momentous ‘going forward’ wedding of my niece Trina to Sanjeev. This was held in Dipikafai’s garden and was a very proud occasion for the Sodha family. It is now a lovely family, with two siblings Sana and Neya.

So sitting on the plane going back in time is going to capture a significant occasion for our family. Kakas and Kakis, Fuvas and faibas, Bhaiyo and bhenno, cousins, Friends have all reserved this momentous week to head toward the wedding. And likewise we hope to welcome the Kapoor’s Amee’s side.

So a few reflections on Amee…this girl is amazing. She is a sensitive, empathetic, loving daughter, sister, aunt, neice, cousin, has embraced east and west with grace. She has come to Birmingham when she was very young ( remember the Bus rides with dada?) and has constant laughter, and hay-fever. . She has trained as a doctor, and met her match with her Ashish, a handsome young doctor!

I vividly remember my first time in California in the early 1980’s variously as a backpacker, student, and a ‘tour’ guide. The state is just amazing with a fantastic temperate climate, with the sea, cities, mountains, parks, and almost every colourful species, whether bird, animal, or plant abounding here. There is so much variety, and the place is truly inspirational.No wonder it has produced Hollywood, and probably has more celebrities living here than anywhere else in the world. It’s creative energy is reflected with its huge technological contribution, and the State is really the harbinger of the future. I am glad my brothers and families live here.

So from LAX, we took a taxi ride (friendly Nigerian) to the Marriot at Marina del Rey, and walked along the sidewalk, via the broad walk toward Venice beach with skaters, surfers, bars, and tried to keep in touch with everybody via Amee’s Jalsa. The plan was to ten visit Vinu at Beverley Hills. By 6.30 we were knackered, and Meena rapidly started snoring.

I tried to stay up, and reflected on a Shakespearian quote..’ Brevity is the the soul of wit’ and a the possibility of a green card, but the usual blast propelled me into slumber.